trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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