Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
