I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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