I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
