just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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