dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
