I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
this hospital has no fireball
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
