I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
