I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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