I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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