are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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