Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
