If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
