If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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