I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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