i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
