I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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