When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
