i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
