I just threw up on my dentist
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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