wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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