Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
