He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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