He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
