just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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