No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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