Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
