I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
