Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
