you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
