hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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