Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
