I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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