I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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