I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
