I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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