honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
