when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
