remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
