I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
