she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
