Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
