i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
