My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
