She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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