Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
