Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
