Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
