I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
