If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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